Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
