It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
