I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
