I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
