the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
