why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
