last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
