one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
