Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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