I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
