By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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