I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
