I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
