He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
