apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
