Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
