doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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