accomplished twins. life is a go
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
