He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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