Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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