guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
