your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got inside last night via doggy door
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize