i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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