i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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