i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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