xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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