my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need a beard to bite.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
