Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
