Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
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