it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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