why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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