I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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