He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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