the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
