she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
