Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Boobs speak an international language.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
