my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
