Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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