Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
