I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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