I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
