You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
