Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
