You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
