There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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