Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
