I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
