But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
