Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
