I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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