where am i from again
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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