There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
vagina is talking i cant
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
