I wish I could punch you in the face.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
