so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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