I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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