This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
what day is it and did you see me today?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
