Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
