Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
