I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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