Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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