Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
