The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
