I'm going to jail i love you
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
