he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
