Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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