I wannas sexs uuuuu
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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